That Person Is SUCH a Narcissist!

by Randy Kiel | November 14, 2024

Most of us have either heard this said or have maybe even said this about another person. When such a statement such as “they are a narcissist” is spoken, it is usually out of anger. Most commonly this anger is due to misplaced hurt from a relationship that did not go the way the person expected. Regardless of the reason behind why it was said, it is an insult, and insults cause injury. Whether a person is the one being insulted, the one insulting or the one overhearing an insult, all parties involved are hurt. To insult someone by saying that they are a narcissist is cruel.

Rarely is the individual who states that someone is a narcissist clued into the true diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). In the world of psychology, narcissism is rarely spoken as a diagnosis based off of the criteria one needs to meet to have the disorder. Saying a person is a narcissist has become a social trend of speech used to demean another so that some type of personal gain is achieved. Ironically, insults themselves exhibit traits of narcissism.  To insult a person in such a way, may use up to seven of the nine traits to diagnose a person with such a disorder. We must remember that diagnosing is the responsibility of a professional mental health provider, and it might take a significant amount of time before such a diagnosis such as NPD is reached. The seven traits that an insulter may unawaredly demonstrate are as follows:

• Grandiose sense of self-importance: They may exaggerate their achievements, expect to be recognized as superior, and have an inflated sense of self-worth.
• Need for admiration: They may demand excessive admiration and have a fragile self-esteem.
• Sense of entitlement: They may expect special treatment and favorable treatment and may be angry when people don't cater to them.
• Lack of empathy: They may have difficulty recognizing the needs and feelings of others and may say things that might hurt others.
• Envy: They may be envious of others, especially when others are successful.
• Arrogant behaviors: They may behave in an arrogant way, brag a lot, and come across as conceited. 

Narcissistic Personality Disorder exists in an estimated 3-6% of the American population, with well over half of these being male. Quite commonly, due to misplaced emotions, one person may be referred to as a narcissist after a relationship did not work out. While there are more times than not that a person is improperly labeled as a narcissist, we must acknowledge that there are people who have truly been in relationship with an induvial who has NPD. Let it be said that to be in a relationship with a person who has NPD carries its own set of difficulties.

For some, to insult another person may be an attempt to gain popularity, but in reality it is an adolescent-like act of unkindness. To be unkind is to be unloving. God does not call us to be unkind, on the contrary, He calls us to love. Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous and does not boast or seek its own glory. Love cannot be arrogant. It cannot insult a person, only a deep unkindness does this.

As I think about who in the Bible could represent narcissism well, I think of King Herod, Jezebel, the Pharisees, and Nabal, but the one who depicts narcissism the most would have to be Satan himself. Satan is always scheming, trying to cause human beings to mess up and fall. To this day, Satan wants all people to worship and follow him rather than God. Evilness, wickedness, and sin are the core aspects of Satan’s entire being. He doesn’t care about anyone but himself; therefore, he will insult anyone, especially those who pursue the holiness of Christ, to achieve his own sense of glory.

Although we don’t want to imitate Satan, we can learn from his narcissistic attitude about how not to be. For example, we don’t need to copy his behaviors because they only hurt us, others, and God. Satan will use, manipulate, abuse and insult anyone to get what he wants. 

As Catholics, we need to be educated about narcissism and the dangers that accompany this way of thinking and living. Narcissism can find its way inside the mind of believers and all types of authority, even those who are least assumed.

When tempted by anger to hurl an insult at another, let’s remember that Jesus would never and has never insulted anyone. Rather he carried the burden of physical, emotional and spiritual insults all the way to Calvary. For this, we give our eternal gratitude.